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New ‘Work to Fly’ Program Sponsored by Mitt Romney
The Ass Press Posted: 04/18/2012 6:00:52 PM PDT Boston, MA. — Horner Airlines is proud to announce that it has teamed up with presidential hopeful Mitt Romney in a first of its kind ‘Work to Fly’...
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Obama Signs NTACT Into Law: Allows Waterboarding Marijuana Users
The Ass Press Posted: 04/20/2012 6:00:52 PM PDT Washington DC — In a controversial move this morning President Obama made NTACT official and signed it into law. NTACT stands for the National Trees Act...
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Man Not Guilty in Killing Wife Over Too Many Facebook Game Requests
THE ASS PRESS POSTED: 04/25/2012 6:00:57 PM PDT Kabul, Afghanistan — An Afghan man was found not guilty Wednesday by a Tribunal of his elders for the gruesome murder of his wife of 42 years. The man,...
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Billionaire’s New Presidential Campaign: Check None Of The Above
The Ass Press Posted: 05/1/2012 6:05:52 PM PDT Austin, TX. — A Texas billionaire is making news by starting his own presidential campaign of sorts. For the past few months Texas native Paul Horner has...
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Gay Zombie Attack In Louisiana From Bath Salts Leaves 7 Dead
The Ass Press Posted: 06/02/2012 11:03:17 AM PDT DeQuincy, Louisiana — Reports are coming in about a new zombie attack that has just occurred, this time happening in a small town in Louisiana. The...
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Local Man Stops Robbery By Quoting Pulp Fiction
Jonestown, AZ — A local man is a hero today after he single-handedly stopped a couple who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to restaurant manager Ted...
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Woman Kills Five People For Not Accepting Her Friend Requests On Facebook
Lashawndra Harris killed five people when they did not accept her friend request on Facebook. DeQuincy, LA — Lashawndra Harris from DeQuincy, Louisiana was arrested and charged today in connection with...
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Hilarious Ideas For Pranking People On April Fool’s Day
Fun ideas for pranking people on April Fool’s Day. It is getting close to April Fool’s Day, the best day of the year. Here is some fun ideas to make your ‘prank day’ the best day it can possibly be! 1....
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Deep Thoughts by Paul Horner
This is a tribute to the comic genius Jack Handey, whose real name was actually Jack Handey. I opened up a fortune cookie recently that said to treat others how you would want to be treated. So now I...
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City in Louisiana Offering K-12 Education In Only 6 Months
14-year-old Jamal Williams in front of the Super School with his diploma he received in 6 months. DeQuincy, LA — A small town in Louisiana is taking a new approach to education that has created quite...
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